Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
