sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
