My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
