I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize