tell your sister to shave her snatch
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
