Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize