It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
