Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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