if you like me you must not know who I am
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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