Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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