I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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