There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
