We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
