All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
