did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
