so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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