just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
