Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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