glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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