Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
