I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
