party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's get the cat blown out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize