The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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