I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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