Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
