my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
