4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
