Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
