I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I smell like Dick and happiness
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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