she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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