I CAN MOONWALK!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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