I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
