come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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