operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize