I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
