I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
