every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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