i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there is glitter all over my balls
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