He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
