Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
