1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
