dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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