mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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