dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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