i think my mom watched the whole time
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize