so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
