Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
