theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I could fuck to npr.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
