you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
