remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
