it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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