9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
