Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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