No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
