Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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