I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
