We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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