Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
