I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
