So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize