took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
