In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
