i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
