i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
