my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
