Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
