Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
