I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
