I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have post one night stand depression
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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