You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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