Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
