I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Randomize
