he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize