My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
