Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
