i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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