can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
