Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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