pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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