Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
