I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this hospital has no fireball
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
