I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
