if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
