Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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