so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
