did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even my vagina gasped.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
