Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
