What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
